My First Impressions of the MapForge Beta

A while back, some GURPS bloggers were pushing the MapForge Kickstarter, and since I've recently gotten the itch to make a Megadungeon (better use that inspiration while it's still hot), I figured I should get a beta copy and try it out.

I mean, I paid for it. Shouldn't investigate other options before checking out the product I backed, right?

Despite a post opining the lack of people requesting beta keys and putting out a call for testers, I had a rocky go of getting access.

5 updates. FIVE UPDATES.

This wasn't limited to just me, either.

Baffled he says, as if all of us are moronic twats

I can actually address why people are having so much difficulty:
1: To avoid getting 20,000+ emails all at once asking for keys, the creator broke them into five waves without giving people an easy way to check for which wave they are a part of
2: Most people don't feverishly check Kickstarter every day for updates- I only seriously check Kickstarter once every couple of months, and all five updates had blown well past in the time frame between paying actual attention to kickstarter
3: Way too much fucking reading to do before getting to the relevant info (marked in red below)
4: I never received an actual email from Kickstarter going "MapForge wants you to try out the thingy"

Plus when your Beta access process is to download the beta program from your website, email you a computer-specific code, and then wait for a response, most people would consider that convoluted. Obviously you're not running some kind of centralized licensing server that the program phones home to to check that everything is hunky dory, because this is twig and spit level setup going on.

How does it actually run?

So, I get the program, I get the key, I have to manually type the key (despite being told in the email that typing it is inaccurate and I should copy and paste) because copying and pasting didn't work 3 times and forced me to restart the program to actually enter the key (who the fuck is going to brute force a license key when some script kiddie is just going to develop a crack anyways, are you fucking kidding me?).

So I fire it up ...and find it has no tiles. Because despite all Kickstarter Backers getting some free assets to play around with, they're not bundled in the fucking install. Adding them is admittedly easy, but why the fuck should I have to dig through Kickstarter posts to find free stretch goals? 

So I sort that out- and BAM, memory errors.

Boy, I wonder how much of this is legacy code from like 2005?

Evidently there's a specific exe required to run it on Windows 10 x64 machines (only one of the most FUCKING COMMON OPERATING SETUPS CURRENTLY IN THE WILD).

And this was with ONE ASSET PACK, NOT EVEN THE FULL TEN.

So, I grab the right exe and fire it up. It works. Works in that navigating the various tiles and items is deathly slow. There are frequent hangs of 10-45 seconds, windows throws up "not responding" fairly often, sometimes alternating with hangs, and has a habit of starting up as a half-loaded zombie if you focus on another window (like, this pithy blog post you're currently reading) while it's in the process of opening.

It's stuck like this

It not quite as bad at eating up RAM as Chrome, but it's pretty RAM hungry.

Performance seems to be directly linked to the size of resources available to actually map with. Official recommendation is to disable content you don't plan on using, which really sucks given than changing said content requires a restart. Sucks to be you if you want to browse through a gigantic library of assets to mix-and-match what's best for whatever fucked up game you want to run.

So, to summarize:

1. The Creator seems to be baffled and slightly annoyed that their convoluted processes and lack of clear communication to backers is causing confusion, and that they're being expected to do rote customer service tasks.
2. MapForge runs like utter shit on my machine.

My Specs, for those wondering:

I'm running a GTX-1080 for my video card, and I really should double my RAM, I'm aware.

Actual Beta-User Feedback:

1. Frequent Hangs/Stops
2. Serious lag navigating addon assets
3. No Hex Grid option (I run GURPS, GURPS uses hexes, I need hexes)
4. No scrollwheel functionality for scrolling asset lists
5. It currently feels like a map-stamper and not much else. 
6. UI would be nice if it weren't unresponsive and sluggish
7. Ease of adding addons is good
8. Need a way to disable addon content from within the program
9. No options menu for a v1.0? Seriously?
10. No option to choose where exported maps save? Really?
11. Love the interplay between the UI and the bog-standard windows error and alert messages
12. Lots of pitfalls to avoid and/or hoops to jump through to get barely usable performance out of it
13. Thunking down 5 Tavern items and attempting to export has lead to an indefinite hang

Angry Rant: How to advertise a GURPS (really any) game.

It's rant time. Copious superfluous swearing and extremely rude hyperbolic language ahead.

Seriously, I mean it. Go reread the last sentence of the line above. Decide if you've got the necessary mental DR to proceed before proceeding.


There's a handful of times that I've used various resources to try and entice new online players to my virtual table. I've managed to cobble together groups a few times now, enough that I can usually just copy/paste my former attempts and smash them with a hammer until they fit the new game I want to put together.

It absolutely grinds my gears when I see people trying to attract new players and their pitch is:

"So uh, me and my pals are starting a new GURPS game and we're looking for new players, we can teach you and everything."

That pitch is fucking lazy. The only right decision in that entire sentence was making it clear that newbies are welcome.

If I had a chance to anonymously respond to this guy (oh hey, how fucking lucky that I have my own soapbox with which I can offensively yell at the internet), it would look a lot like the bullet points below:

1. Setting/genre, motherfucker. Are you running a noir-inspired Cthulhu mythos game where everybody fucking dies or goes insane? Are the players fucking rabbits that know Kung-Fu? Is this some bullshit pony world fueled by fucking friendship? GURPS can cover a lot more bases than being that lazy dick advertising a generic D&D game.
2. Bitch, I have a job and obligations that demand my presence in real life, during which I can't rollplay. If I don't know when your lazy ass (and by extension, your lazy ass-group) are getting together, how the fuck am I supposed to know what I could be doing instead of your generic fantasy dren?
3. Details, asshole. Not only do I not know if this is homebrew spelljammer, dungeon fantasy, or a setting involving anus shades, I don't fucking know if I should be expecting hack and slash, overly fucking contrived attempts to be edgy and diceless (assuming a non-gurps game/howbrew bullshit), or political intrigue and unmessy assassinations.
4. Are all of your players twelve year old dipshits who just discovered the internet, or what? Since you thus far haven't been able to write more than two sentences to advertise your group and your prowess at running games, I'm forced to assume you're a few idiots shy of a village. Give me a sense of who the fuck I'll be playing with, asswipe.
5. I know this will come as news to you, but some players have shit for brains and don't belong in your game. Tolerances differ. Some groups handle the resident neckbeard with poor personal hygiene. Others are okay with rule lawyer fucktards bogging down play because they enjoy arguing with others more than killing shit and looting their shit. Some groups will even deal with that gamer (girl/boy)friend playing some mary/gary fucking sue dipshit ditz bitch character that the GM only allows because said partner gives good oral. Better speak up about who you want at your table, idiot.
6. Is your game one of those slow-ass molasses games happening through PBEM? Fuck PBEM, I'm glad to have the fucking privilege of skype and video conferencing where I don't have to wait an eternity for fucking responses while I fail to find love, linger at my job long after it provides me with meaningful avenues of advancement and self-improvement, grow old, and FUCKING DIE.

And here's what you do:

1. Be VERBOSE, motherfucker. Give me enough of the fucking details about your game that I might consider sinking hours of my life into your sandbox.
2. Be clear about what the hell it is you want for the game, from your players, and how you want everybody to interact and play.
3. Have an interesting pitch that's not just generic and/or lame. PIMP YOUR GAME OUT MAN, SOME BORING ASS HO WON'T DRAW JOHNS. (One of my players who is a fucking smug-face bastard had this to add: Corollary: The players a boring ass game description draws are usually shit.)
4. Communicate times, methods of communications, and all that boring logistics crap that kills more games than anything else. If your entire group is on IRC (you glorious luddite fucks), FUCKING SAY SO. If your group is meeting when it's fucking 4AM in my time zone, FUCK OFF. Do your players need crazy-dice for your game, like 37-sided dice? TELL US. Do you prefer character sheets done in Excel? FUCKING TELL US.
5. Put some FUCKING effort into it, you starfish five-knuckle shuffling twat. If you can't make your advertisement worth the PAPER I WIPE MY ASS WITH, your game is probably just as shitty as my offerings to the porcelain gods.

Rant done.